The groom’s speech is a slightly odd one. You’re not there to roast anyone, and nobody expects you to be the funniest speaker of the day. That’s the best man’s job. Your job is to say thank you, properly, and to tell a room full of people how you feel about the person you’ve just married.
Get the thank-yous right and say something heartfelt about your new spouse, and you’ve nailed it. A couple of laughs along the way are a bonus.
This guide covers:
- How long it should be
- Who to thank: a checklist
- A simple structure to follow
- Talking about your new wife or husband
- Humour, and what to leave out
- Joint speeches and other situations
- Common questions
How long should a groom speech be?
Around four to five minutes. That’s roughly 500 to 650 words at a natural speaking pace of about 130 words a minute. The thank-yous take up more room than you’d expect, so be strict with the rest.
| Length | Spoken time | Words (approx.) |
|---|---|---|
| Short | About 2 minutes | 260 |
| Standard | 3 to 4 minutes | 450 |
| Longer | About 5 minutes | 650 |
Where it comes in the running order. In a traditional British wedding, the groom speaks second: after the father of the bride and before the best man. That means you’re responding to the first speech, and you’re also the warm-up act for the best man. If the order’s different at your wedding, the content stays much the same.
Who does the groom thank? A checklist
The thank-yous are the heart of the groom’s job. Forgetting someone is the one mistake people remember, so tick them off as you write.
- The previous speaker. Usually the father of the bride, for his kind words and his welcome into the family.
- Your new in-laws. For raising the person you’ve married, and for making you feel at home.
- Your own parents. For everything. This is often the most emotional line of the speech.
- The guests. For coming, especially anyone who travelled a long way.
- Anyone who paid for or helped with the day. Parents, grandparents, the friend who did the flowers, the aunt who made the cake.
- The best man and ushers. For their help, and (with a wink) in advance of whatever the best man is about to say.
- The bridesmaids. For looking after your new wife or husband. Traditionally the groom ends by toasting them.
- Anyone who can’t be there. A short, warm mention of loved ones who have died or couldn’t make it.
- Your new spouse. Save the best till last.
A tip: keep each thank-you to a sentence or two. A long list read out in a monotone feels like the end credits of a film.
A simple groom speech structure
- The opening (30 seconds). Something light to settle the room. The classic “On behalf of my wife and I…” pause almost always gets a cheer.
- Responding to the last speech (30 seconds). Thank the father of the bride, or whoever spoke before you.
- The thank-yous (1 to 2 minutes). Work through your checklist. Brief and sincere.
- Your new spouse (1 to 2 minutes). How you met, what you love about them, the moment you knew. This is the bit people will remember.
- The toast (15 seconds). Traditionally to the bridesmaids, or to the wedding party or guests if there were none. Then hand over to the best man.
Want help with the words? Our groom speech writer asks about your partner, how you met and who you’d like to thank, then writes three versions for you to choose from. You can read the opening for free before deciding.
Talking about your new wife or husband
This is where a lot of grooms freeze. It feels exposing to say lovely things about your partner in front of your mates. Do it anyway. It’s the part everyone is waiting for, including your new spouse.
A few ways in:
- Tell the story of how you met. Where, when, and what you thought. Bonus points if your first impression was wildly wrong.
- Pick one or two specific things. “She’s amazing” is nice. “She once drove 200 miles every weekend for two months when I broke my leg” is unforgettable.
- Say when you knew. The moment you realised this was the one. Short and true beats long and flowery.
- Turn and speak to them directly. Even just for the last line. It changes the whole feel of the room.
If you’re worried about getting emotional, that’s fine. Guests love it. Have a sip of water, take a breath, and carry on.
Humour, and what to leave out
The groom doesn’t need to be hilarious, but a few light moments help. The easiest targets are yourself and, gently, the best man:
- Pre-empt the best man. “Before Dave stands up, I’d like to remind everyone that he’s had three pints and has a very poor memory.”
- Laugh at yourself. Your dancing, your cooking, how long it took you to propose.
- Thank people with a twist. “Thank you to Sophie’s parents, for welcoming me into the family, and for only checking my credit score once.”
What to leave out
- Exes. Yours or theirs. Not even in passing.
- Stag do stories. Leave those to the best man, who should also leave them out.
- Jokes at the in-laws’ expense. Gentle warmth only.
- Anything that needs explaining. If half the room wouldn’t get it, it’s not for the speech.
- The cost or stress of the planning. Everyone knows. Nobody wants to hear about it today.
Joint speeches and other situations
A joint speech with your new spouse. Increasingly popular, and lovely when it’s done well. Split the thank-yous between you, then take turns telling the story of how you met. Rehearse the handovers so it flows. Keep the bit about each other separate, so you can each say something about the other.
Two grooms or two brides. The structure is the same. Agree beforehand who thanks whom, so you don’t both thank the same people, and decide whether one or both of you will speak.
If the bride is also speaking. Coordinate your thank-you lists so you’re not repeating each other. One of you can do the families and guests, the other the wedding party.
If a parent has died. A brief, warm mention is moving and appropriate. One or two sentences, then return to the celebration.
If you hate public speaking. Keep it to two or three minutes. Do the thank-yous, say one heartfelt thing about your spouse, raise your glass. Job done.
Want a head start?
With a wedding to plan, the speech often gets left until the last minute. Our groom speech writer takes the pressure off.
Tell us about your partner, how you met, who you want to thank and a story or two. We write three versions of your speech, from mostly funny to mostly heartfelt, with all the right thank-yous in all the right places. You read how it opens for free, and only pay £14.99 if you love it.
Use it as it is, or tweak it to make it your own.
Groom speech questions
How long should a groom speech be?
Four to five minutes, or around 500 to 650 words. The thank-yous take time, so keep the rest focused.
Who does the groom thank?
The father of the bride (or previous speaker), both sets of parents, the guests, anyone who helped with the day, the best man and ushers, the bridesmaids, and finally his new spouse.
Who does the groom toast?
Traditionally the bridesmaids. If there weren’t any, toast the wedding party, the guests, or absent friends and family.
When does the groom give his speech?
Traditionally second, after the father of the bride and before the best man. Many couples now choose their own order.
Does the groom give out gifts during the speech?
Some do, often to the parents, best man and bridesmaids. It’s a nice touch, but keep it quick so it doesn’t slow the speech down.
Can we give a joint speech?
Yes. Lots of couples now speak together. Split the thank-yous and take turns, and rehearse it so the handovers feel natural.
More speech guides
Giving a different wedding speech? Read our guides to the best man speech, father of the bride speech, maid of honour speech and bride speech.