You’ve held the dress, the bouquet, and probably her hand through a wobble or two during the planning. Now she’s asked you to do one more thing: stand up and say a few words.
The maid of honour speech is a newer tradition at British weddings, which means there’s no strict rulebook. That’s good news. You get to do what you do best, which is talk about your friend. Make the room laugh, make her cry (the good kind), and welcome the new partner into the gang.
This guide covers:
- Whether to give one, how long, and when
- How to write it, step by step
- A simple structure to follow
- Telling the story of your friendship
- Humour, and what to leave out
- Sisters, joint maids of honour and other situations
- Common questions
Should the maid of honour give a speech?
Traditionally, no. At a classic British wedding, the three speeches were the father of the bride, the groom and the best man. But more and more brides are asking their maid of honour (or matron of honour, if she’s married) to speak too, and guests love it.
If she’s asked you, the answer is yes. If she hasn’t, ask her. She may assume you don’t want to.
How long? Aim for three to four minutes, around 400 to 500 words. With three or four speeches in a row, shorter is kinder.
| Length | Spoken time | Words (approx.) |
|---|---|---|
| Short | About 2 minutes | 260 |
| Standard | 3 to 4 minutes | 450 |
| Longer | About 5 minutes | 650 |
When? There’s no fixed slot. It often comes just before or just after the best man. Ask the couple where they’d like you, and let the toastmaster or venue know.
Writing a maid of honour speech, step by step
- Check with the bride. Ask what she’d like you to cover, if anyone should be thanked, and what’s off limits. Then keep the actual words a surprise.
- Coordinate with the best man. Make sure you’re not both telling the same story or making the same joke.
- Go back through the photos and messages. Old photos, group chats, holiday snaps. They’ll jog memories you’d forgotten.
- Choose your theme. What’s the one thing that sums up your friendship? The friend who’s always late. The planner. The one who always has a plaster in her handbag. Build around that.
- Pick two or three stories. One funny, one that shows her kindness or courage, and one about her and her partner if you have it.
- Write about the partner too. How you first met them, what you’ve noticed about them as a couple, a warm welcome into the friendship group.
- End with a toast. To the happy couple, by name.
- Read it out loud. If it sounds like a greetings card, rewrite it in your own voice.
A simple maid of honour speech structure
- The hook (30 seconds). Open with a line about your friendship that gets a smile, then say who you are and how long you’ve known her.
- Your friendship (1 to 2 minutes). One or two stories that show who she is. Funny, then warm.
- The couple (1 minute). What you thought when you first met her partner. What you’ve seen change in her. Why they work.
- A wish for them (15 seconds). Something you hope for their life together. Keep it simple and sincere.
- The toast (15 seconds). “Please raise your glasses to Sophie and James.”
Lost for words? Our maid of honour speech writer asks about your friend, her partner and your favourite stories, then writes three versions for you to choose from. You can read the opening for free before deciding.
Telling the story of your friendship
The best maid of honour speeches feel like a peek into a friendship the rest of the room has only seen from the outside. A few ways to bring yours to life:
- Start where it started. The first day you met. School, uni, the first job, the dodgy flat share. What did you think of her then?
- Show, don’t list. “She’s loyal and generous” is a list. “When my car broke down at 2am on the M62, she was the one who came” is a story.
- Use the things only you know. Her terrible taste in music at 15. The nickname nobody else uses. The way she always orders the same thing. (Only if she’d be happy for the room to hear it.)
- Show how she’s changed, and how she hasn’t. Where you both started, where she is today, and what’s stayed exactly the same.
- Bring the partner into the story. The night she first told you about them, or the first time you saw them together and just knew.
Humour, and what to leave out
A maid of honour speech can be every bit as funny as the best man’s, but the tone is usually warmer. Think affectionate teasing rather than a full roast.
What works:
- Her lovable quirks. The spreadsheet for the hen do. The 47 photos before she’ll pick one for Instagram. The way she says “I’ll be five minutes”.
- Gentle digs at yourself. How you were the bad influence, or the one who always got lost.
- A cheeky welcome for the partner. “James, you should know she’s never once let anyone else hold the TV remote. Good luck.”
What to leave out
- Exes. Not one. Not even the funny one everybody remembers.
- Hen do stories. What happened in Benidorm stays in Benidorm. Her nan is sitting at table three.
- Group chat in-jokes. If the room needs a translator, cut it.
- Anything she told you in confidence. If you’re not sure she’d want it shared, it doesn’t go in.
- Too much about you. It’s tempting to tell the story of your friendship from your side. Keep the spotlight on her.
Sisters, joint maids of honour and other situations
If she’s your sister. You’ve got a lifetime of material. Childhood stories work brilliantly: the shared bedroom, the arguments over the bathroom, the time she cut your fringe. Then turn it round to how proud you are of her. Leave the big family thank-yous to your parents.
Matron of honour. Exactly the same speech, just a different title because you’re married. You can even draw on your own wedding: what she did for you on your big day.
Joint maids of honour. Split it rather than giving two full speeches. One takes the early years, the other the later ones. Or take turns on each story. Rehearse the handovers together.
A man of honour. The same structure works perfectly. Your perspective as her best male friend can give you some great angles the room won’t expect.
You’ve only known her a few years. That’s fine. Focus on the time you have had: how you met, why you clicked, and what you’ve seen of her and her partner.
Want a little help?
Between the dress fittings, the hen do and keeping the bride calm, the speech can slip down the list. Our maid of honour speech writer can help.
Tell us about your friend, her partner, how you met and your favourite stories. We write three versions of your speech, from mostly funny to mostly heartfelt, all built around your own memories. You read how it opens for free, and only pay £14.99 if you love it.
Use it as it is, or as a starting point to make it your own.
Maid of honour speech questions
Does the maid of honour give a speech in the UK?
It isn’t traditional, but it’s increasingly common. If the bride would like you to, go for it. Guests love hearing from her best friend or sister.
How long should a maid of honour speech be?
Three to four minutes, or around 400 to 500 words. With several speeches in a row, shorter is better.
When does the maid of honour speak?
There’s no set slot. It’s often just before or after the best man. Check with the couple.
Who does the maid of honour toast?
The happy couple. Ask everyone to raise their glasses and say both their names.
What’s the difference between a maid of honour and a matron of honour?
Only whether she’s married. A maid of honour is single, and a matron of honour is married. The speech is the same.
What if I’m terrified of public speaking?
Keep it to two or three minutes, print it in a large font, and practise in front of a friend. Everyone in the room is on your side.
More speech guides
Giving a different wedding speech? Read our guides to the best man speech, father of the bride speech, groom speech and bride speech.