How to Write a Eulogy

If you’ve been asked to give a eulogy, you’re probably reading this with a lot on your mind. You may be grieving, organising a funeral and wondering how on earth you’ll find the right words. That’s completely normal.

Here’s the good news. Nobody at a funeral is judging your writing. They want to hear about the person they’ve lost, from someone who knew them. If you speak honestly and share a few real memories, you will have done it well.

This guide walks you through it step by step:

• How long it should be
• How to write it, step by step
• A simple structure to follow
• Using humour, and what to leave out
• Reading it on the day
• Common questions

What is a eulogy, and how long should it be?

A eulogy is a short speech at a funeral or memorial that celebrates someone’s life. It isn’t a full biography. It’s a portrait: who they were, what they loved, and what they meant to the people in the room.

Most eulogies run for three to five minutes. That’s roughly 400 to 650 words, as most people speak at around 130 words a minute.

It’s worth checking the timings with the funeral director early on. Crematorium services in the UK often have a fixed slot, and there may be other speakers, readings and music to fit in. If several people are speaking, agree who covers what so you don’t all tell the same story.

Length	Spoken time	Words (approx.)
Short	About 2 minutes	260
Standard	3 to 4 minutes	450
Longer	About 5 minutes	650

Writing a eulogy, step by step

1. Gather memories before you write a word. Ring family and friends and ask them for one story, a habit, or a phrase the person always used. Jot everything down, however small. Small, specific details are what make a eulogy feel like them.
2. Pick three words that sum them up. Stubborn, generous, funny. Hopeless with technology. These become the backbone of your speech, and each one can be backed up by a story.
3. Choose two or three stories, not ten. You can’t fit a whole life into five minutes, so don’t try. Pick the memories that show what they were really like. A story about the Sunday dinners she never missed says more than a list of her achievements.
4. Find your opening line. Skip “We’re gathered here today”. Start with something true and specific instead: a saying of theirs, a picture of them in their element, or the thing everyone in the room will recognise straight away.
5. Write it the way you talk. Short sentences. Plain words. Read each paragraph out loud as you go. If you trip over a sentence at the kitchen table, you’ll trip over it at the funeral.
6. Write a proper ending. End with a simple goodbye, a thank-you to them, or one of their own sayings. It gives you, and the room, a moment to let go.
7. Time it and trim it. Read it aloud with a stopwatch. If it’s running long, cut a story rather than rushing your delivery.
8. Let someone you trust hear it. They’ll spot anything that might upset a relative, and they’ll tell you which bits made them smile.

A simple eulogy structure

If you’re staring at a blank page, follow this shape. It works for almost any eulogy.

1. The opening (30 seconds). A line that captures them, then a sentence on who you are and how you knew them.
2. Their life in brief (1 minute). Where they grew up, their work, the people they loved. Keep it light on dates. This is the frame, not the picture.
3. Two or three stories (2 minutes). Each one shows something about who they were. Their kindness, their humour, their stubbornness.
4. What they meant to people (1 minute). What you and others will miss. What they taught you. What carries on in the family.
5. The farewell (30 seconds). A simple goodbye, spoken to the room or to them.

Notice what’s missing: there’s no need for a long list of thank-yous. The person leading the service usually covers those.

Struggling to get started? Our eulogy writer asks you a few gentle questions about the person, then writes three versions for you to choose from. You can read the opening for free before deciding.

Is it OK to be funny in a eulogy?

Yes, if it fits the person. A gentle laugh at a funeral is often a relief for everyone. If they were the one who always had the room in stitches, a eulogy without a smile wouldn’t sound like them.

The rule of thumb: laugh with them, never at them. The best funny moments come from real memories. The time she drove to Blackpool in her slippers and refused to admit it was a mistake. The way he called every meal “a feast”, even beans on toast.

What to leave out

• Family falling-outs. A funeral is not the place to settle old scores, and you never know who’s sitting at the back.
• The details of their illness or death, unless the family wants it mentioned. Even then, a sentence is enough.
• Religious language they wouldn’t have used. If they weren’t religious, don’t talk about heaven or angels. If faith mattered to them, include it.
• In-jokes nobody else will get. If a story needs a long explanation, it probably doesn’t belong.
• Anything you’d hesitate to say in front of their grandmother. If in doubt, leave it out.

Writing a eulogy for a mum, dad, grandparent or friend

The steps above work for anyone, but each relationship brings its own focus.

For your mum or dad. You knew them as a parent, but others knew them as a friend, a colleague or a neighbour. Ask around. A story from their workmates can show a side of them the family never saw. Then bring it home: what they taught you, and what you’ll carry on.

For your grandad, nan or grandma. A long life gives you a lot to choose from, so pick a thread. The house everyone gathered in, the sayings the grandchildren still repeat, the things they made or grew. Grandchildren speaking together, each with one short memory, can be very moving.

For a friend. You may know them in a way their family doesn’t, so be thoughtful. Share the friendship: how you met, what you got up to, why they were the one you’d ring at 2am. Keep stories the family might not want aired for the wake.

For someone who died young or suddenly. Focus on who they were rather than what they didn’t get to do. Keep it short, and don’t feel you have to make sense of it. Nobody expects you to.

Reading your eulogy on the day

• Print it big. Use a large font, double-spaced, on single-sided pages. Number them. Your eyes may be blurry, and the lighting may be poor.
• Practise out loud, several times. The more familiar the words, the less likely they are to catch you out. Practise in front of someone if you can.
• Slow down. Nerves make everyone speed up. Pause after a story and let it land.
• Have water and a tissue nearby. If you get emotional, stop, take a breath and carry on. Everyone in the room will be willing you on. Nobody minds a pause.
• Have a back-up. Give a copy to the celebrant or a family member. If it all gets too much, they can step in and read the rest for you. That’s not failure. It happens at plenty of funerals.
• Look up now and then. Find a friendly face or two in the room. It helps you feel less alone up there.

Need a little help with the words?

When you’re grieving, even the best guide can’t make the blank page any easier. That’s why we built our eulogy writer.

You answer a few gentle questions: their name, a little about their life, what they were known for, and a memory or two. We then write three versions of the eulogy, from a warm celebration of their life to something quiet and reflective. You read the opening for free, and only pay £9.99 if it feels right.

You can use it as it is, or as a starting point to make your own. Either way, the memories are yours. We just help you find the words.

Eulogy questions people often ask