How to Write a Best Man Speech

So you’ve been asked to be best man. Congratulations, and commiserations. Somewhere between the suit fitting and the stag do, it dawns on you: you’ve got to stand up in front of a hundred people, some of whom are the groom’s gran, and be funny.

Relax. The best man speech has a simple job. Make the room laugh a few times, make the couple feel loved, and sit down before anyone checks their watch. You don’t need to be a comedian. You need a few good stories, a clear shape, and a bit of practice.

This guide covers:

• How long it should be
• How to write it, step by step
• A simple structure to follow
• Jokes that work, and what to leave out
• Best women, joint best men and other situations
• Delivering it on the day
• Common questions

How long should a best man speech be?

About five minutes is the sweet spot. That’s around 600 to 650 words, as most people speak at about 130 words a minute. Laughs add time too, so a five-minute script often runs closer to six on the day.

Go much past ten minutes and you’ll lose the room, especially if the bar’s open. Nobody ever complained that the best man was too short.

Length	Spoken time	Words (approx.)
Short	About 2 minutes	260
Standard	3 to 4 minutes	450
Longer	About 5 minutes	650

Where it comes in the running order. At a traditional British wedding, the speeches usually go: father of the bride, then the groom, then the best man last. Being last is good news. The room is warm, the formal thank-yous are done, and your job is simply to entertain. Plenty of couples change the order these days, so check with them.

Writing a best man speech, step by step

1. Start early. Give yourself at least a few weeks. The best lines come to you in the shower or on the drive to work, not the night before at 2am.
2. Dig for material. Ring his parents, his siblings, his old mates and his colleagues. Ask each one for a single story. You’ll get gold you never knew about, and a few you’ll wisely leave out.
3. Find your angle. Pick one or two things the groom is famous for. Hopeless with directions. Owns 14 identical grey jumpers. Thinks he can cook. A running theme you can return to is funnier than ten unrelated jokes.
4. Choose two or three stories. Pick ones most of the room can follow without knowing the back story. If it needs a five-minute set-up, it’s not the one.
5. Write your opening. The first 20 seconds decide whether the room relaxes. Open with a laugh, ideally at your own expense, rather than “For those who don’t know me…”.
6. Turn it round. After the teasing, say something genuinely nice about the groom. Then something lovely about his new spouse. The switch from funny to heartfelt is what people remember.
7. End with the toast. Ask everyone to stand, raise their glasses, and toast the happy couple.
8. Read it out loud and cut. Time it. Anything that makes you wince, or that you’d struggle to explain to his nan, goes.

A simple best man speech structure

This shape works for almost every best man speech.

1. The hook (30 seconds). A line that gets a laugh straight away, then who you are and how you know the groom.
2. The thank-yous (30 seconds). On behalf of the bridesmaids, thank the groom for his toast to them. A quick word for anyone else the couple want mentioned.
3. The roast (2 minutes). Two or three stories about the groom. Affectionate teasing, never cruelty.
4. The turn (1 minute). What he’s really like. Loyal, kind, the one who turned up when it mattered. Mean it.
5. The couple (1 minute). How they met, what she or he has done for him, why they work. Welcome the new spouse with real warmth.
6. The toast (15 seconds). “Please raise your glasses to the happy couple.”

Stuck for a funny opening? Our best man speech writer asks you about the groom, then writes three versions, from mostly funny to mostly heartfelt. You can read how it starts for free before deciding.

Best man jokes: what works

The funniest best man speeches aren’t built on jokes from the internet. They’re built on true stories, told well. A room full of people who know the groom will laugh far harder at the time he got his head stuck in the railings on Blackpool prom than at any one-liner you’ve downloaded.

A few things that reliably work:

• Self-deprecation first. Poke fun at yourself in the opening. It wins the room over, and earns you the right to tease the groom.
• Exaggeration that’s obviously a joke. “He’s so late for everything, we told him the ceremony started at noon. It started at two.”
• The callback. Mention something early, then bring it back near the end. It makes you look like a pro.
• Pause after the punchline. Give people time to laugh. Rushing on is the commonest mistake.

The golden rules: what to leave out

• Exes. Not one mention. Not even a hint. Not even a joke about there being no exes.
• Stag do stories. What happened in Prague stays in Prague. Grandparents and children are in the room.
• In-jokes. If only five people will get it, it’s a conversation, not a speech.
• Anything cruel. Teasing is fine. Humiliation isn’t. If he’d be hurt by it, cut it.
• Jokes at the in-laws’ expense. No mother-in-law gags, ever.
• Too much drink beforehand. One for courage. The rest after the toast.

Best women, joint best men and other situations

Best woman. Exactly the same job. Same structure, same rules, same toast. If you’ve known the groom since you were kids, you’ve got better material than most best men.

Joint best men. Split it rather than both doing a full speech. One takes the early years, the other the later ones, or one does the roast and the other the heartfelt bit. Rehearse the handover so it doesn’t turn into “you go”, “no, you go”.

You don’t know the bride or groom well. Ask friends and family for one story each about them, and how they met. Then speak warmly about what you’ve seen of them together.

You’re not a confident speaker. Keep it shorter, around three minutes. A short speech delivered well beats a long one mumbled at the tablecloth.

Someone important can’t be there. A brief, warm mention is lovely, such as a grandparent who has died. One or two sentences, then move on. Check with the couple first.

Delivering it on the day

• Use cue cards or printed pages. Large font, numbered. Phones go dim, run out of battery, and look like you’re checking the football.
• Rehearse it at least five times out loud. Once to a mate who’ll be honest. You’ll find the bits that don’t land.
• Find the microphone early. Ask the venue how it works. Hold it just below your chin, and keep it there when you turn your head.
• Slow down and pause for laughs. Nerves make you rush. If a joke lands, wait for the laughter to die down before you carry on.
• Look at the couple for the heartfelt bit. Speak to them, not your notes.
• If a joke falls flat, keep going. A quick “Tough crowd” and a smile gets you back on track. Nobody remembers it unless you dwell on it.
• Go easy on the drink until after. You can celebrate properly once the toast is done.

Want a head start?

Writing a best man speech is one of those jobs that’s easy to put off until the week before. If you’d rather not, our best man speech writer can help.

You tell us about the groom: what he’s like, how the couple met, your best funny story, and how cheeky you can get away with being. We write three versions of your speech, from mostly funny to mostly heartfelt, all built from your own stories. You read how it opens for free, and only pay £14.99 if you love it.

Use it word for word, or as a starting point to make it your own. Either way, you’ll stand up knowing it’s good.

Best man speech questions

More speech guides

Giving a different wedding speech? Read our guides to the father of the bride speech, groom speech, maid of honour speech and bride speech.