A retirement do is a funny mix of emotions. There’s cake, there’s a card everyone’s signed, and somewhere in the middle someone has to stand up and sum up thirty-odd years in five minutes.
That someone might be you. Perhaps you’re the manager or the colleague who knows them best. Or perhaps it’s your own retirement, and you’re the one who has to say goodbye. This guide covers both.
- How long it should be
- A speech for a retiring colleague
- Your own retirement speech
- Humour, and what to leave out at work
- Retirement speeches for family and friends
- Common questions
How long should a retirement speech be?
Three to five minutes is about right. That’s 400 to 650 words, as most people speak at around 130 words a minute. People are standing, often holding a drink, and some are itching to get back to work or home. Short and warm wins.
| Length | Spoken time | Words (approx.) |
|---|---|---|
| Short | About 2 minutes | 260 |
| Standard | 3 to 4 minutes | 450 |
| Longer | About 5 minutes | 650 |
If there are several speakers, say the manager, a colleague and then the retiree, agree beforehand who covers what. Three people telling the same story about the Christmas party is two too many.
A speech for a retiring colleague
Before you write
- Get the facts right. Start date, job titles, years of service, any big milestones. Check with HR or their longest-serving colleague. Getting the number of years wrong is the one mistake everyone notices.
- Ask around. Email a few colleagues, past and present, for one story or one word that sums them up. You’ll get material you’d never have found yourself.
- Find out about their plans. Golf, grandchildren, the caravan, finally learning Spanish. It gives you a warm, forward-looking ending.
A simple structure
- The hook (30 seconds). A line that captures them. “Graham has been first through the door every morning for 32 years. Today, for the first time, he’s allowed a lie-in.”
- Their career (1 minute). Where they started, what they’ve done, what changed along the way. Keep it light on job titles and heavy on stories.
- What they’re like to work with (1 to 2 minutes). One funny story, then one that shows who they really are. The quiet kindness, the steady hand in a crisis.
- What they’ll leave behind (30 seconds). The difference they’ve made to the team, and what you’ll all miss.
- What’s next (30 seconds). Their plans, with a wink.
- The toast (15 seconds). “Please raise your glasses to Graham, and a long and happy retirement.”
Not sure where to start? Our retirement speech writer asks about their career, their quirks and your best stories, then writes three versions for you to choose from. You can read the opening for free before deciding.
Your own retirement speech
Saying goodbye after years in a job is harder than people expect. Here’s how to make it easy on yourself.
Before you write
- Make a thank-you list. Your boss, your team, the people who trained you, the receptionist who covered for you, your family for putting up with the early starts. Then trim it to the ones that really matter.
- Pick a few memories. The first day. A proud moment. A disaster that’s funny now. How the job has changed since you started.
- Think about what you’ll say to those staying behind. A bit of advice, a fond farewell, or a cheeky warning about the printer.
A simple structure
- The opening (30 seconds). Something light to settle your nerves. A joke about finally being free, or about how many leaving cards you’ve signed for other people.
- Looking back (1 to 2 minutes). Where you started, what’s changed, one or two stories.
- The thank-yous (1 minute). Specific and sincere. Name names, and say why.
- Parting words (30 seconds). Advice, a joke, or a fond word for the team.
- What’s next (30 seconds). Your plans, and an invitation to keep in touch.
- The toast (15 seconds). “To all of you, and to the next chapter.”
A tip: if you think you’ll get emotional, put the thank-yous near the end and have a glass of water handy. It’s fine to pause. Nobody will mind.
Humour, and what to leave out at work
Work speeches have a different audience from a wedding or birthday. The boss might be there, and possibly people from other departments who barely know the retiree. Keep the humour warm and inclusive.
What works:
- Well-known quirks. The biscuit drawer, the famous mug, the hatred of spreadsheets, the same sandwich every day for 20 years.
- How things have changed. “When Graham started, the office had one computer, and he was scared of it.”
- Gentle jokes about retirement. Lie-ins, golf, finally fixing the shed, being told what to do by a spouse instead of a manager.
What to leave out
- Age and health jokes. “Over the hill”, failing memory, creaky knees. They’re tired, and they can sting.
- Moans about the company. No digs at management, restructures or the pension scheme. Even if everyone’s thinking it.
- Office gossip and HR stories. If it happened behind a closed door, leave it there.
- In-jokes for one team. If half the room won’t get it, cut it.
- Anything near the knuckle. If you’d hesitate to say it in front of the managing director, don’t say it.
Retirement speeches for family and friends
Not every retirement speech happens at work. A family meal or a party at the local pub calls for something a bit different.
If it’s your mum, dad or partner. You’ve seen the other side of their working life: the early alarms, the stories at the dinner table, the evenings spent catching up on emails. Talk about what the job meant to them, and to the family. Then look forward to what they’ll do with all that extra time, and who’ll be on the receiving end of it.
If you’re a friend. Share how you’ve seen them juggle work and everything else, and what you’re looking forward to doing together now they’re free.
At a family do, you can be cheekier. The boss isn’t listening, so a few more gentle digs are fine. Keep it kind, as the grandchildren may be repeating your jokes for years.
Want a hand with it?
Whether you’re saying goodbye to a colleague or saying your own farewell, our retirement speech writer can help.
Tell us about the job, the years, the quirks and a story or two. We write three versions of your speech, from mostly funny to mostly heartfelt, all built around your own memories. You read how it opens for free, and only pay £9.99 if you love it.
Use it word for word, or as a starting point to make it your own.
Retirement speech questions
How long should a retirement speech be?
Three to five minutes, or around 400 to 650 words. People are usually standing, so shorter is kinder.
Who usually gives the retirement speech?
Often the retiree’s manager, a long-standing colleague, or both. The retiree usually replies with a short speech of their own.
What should I say in my own retirement speech?
Look back on a few highlights, thank the people who helped you along the way, say something to those staying behind, and share what’s next.
Is it OK to joke about retirement?
Yes. Lie-ins, golf and endless DIY are all fair game. Steer clear of jokes about age or health.
What if I get emotional?
It’s completely normal after years in a job. Pause, take a sip of water, and carry on. Everyone in the room understands.
Should I mention the gift?
If there’s a collection or a gift, it’s nice for the presenter to mention it, and for the retiree to say thank you for it.
More speech guides
Got another speech to write? Read our guides to the leaving speech, birthday speech and anniversary speech.